The title is a reference from one of my all-time favorite TV shows, Parks and Recreation. April says it when someone says they know what’s going on in her head. Since I am giving you an inside a peek of my own terror dome, I found it appropriate. *Check out my most recent posts by clicking under Recent Posts*
Why did I decide to write a blog? I am still working on that. I am really not sure. I don’t have a lot of friends who would be interested in this topic. I don’t plan to make money from this. And most importantly, I will be keeping it anonymous (Why anonymous? I’ll explain that in my first post). Well two things, First-I am writing this because I can. I write all the time. I write short stories and novels for fun. I LOVE writing. Second-It is so therapeutic. My anxiety has been through the roof and I need something to help me out. So I am doing this for me and I am also doing this for the “awkwards” out there who can relate to my pain, the pain of never being able to get too serious even in the darkest of hours. That’s right. The people who laugh at the wrong times and who find humor in the most twisted subjects, this blog is for you.
I think this subject is one that is written on frequently, adult children of alcoholics or ACoAs. However, I have read those blogs. They are full of sad stories, inspirational stories, depressing stories, stories of love, stories of kindness, stories of healing, stories of the never ending struggle, stories about overcoming incredible odds, and the stories showing the pain they face daily because of their parents/providers/caregivers. Those are great blogs and they have helped me when I needed them in the past but they lacked what I relate to the most, humor. What better way to relate to someone than to laugh at their pain? Enter, me.
There are so many horrible things about addiction. It kills people. It ruins lives. It tears apart families. It leads to terrible diseases. It sucks. There is no doubt about that. But does that mean you can’t ever laugh at it? Before you get all upset and sensitive, hear me out. I was raised by two alcoholics. That’s right, I got the two-for-one combo and didn’t even have to buy an extra drink. I could tell you some sad stories. I could tell you stories that would make you cry, stories you probably could relate to and we could both feel like crap at the end. But then where are we? We are just two sad people crying. So, I am not going to do that. I am going to write about coping with loving addicts through humor.
My parents, I love them to death, are not going to change. This is not pessimism, this is reality. They will never be sober and I have accepted that. There will continue to be sad things that happen because of the choices they make. I would hate myself and them if their drinking led to their death or the death of someone else but I cannot control my parents. It is not my responsibility to parent them or to protect them from themselves. I know people who have spent their entire lives caring for a loved one who struggles with addiction, protecting that person, and protecting the world from that person. This is a noble thing to do, enabling…but noble. I just refuse to spend my life that way. I have given my parents every resource I know available. I have gone to therapy with them. I have gone to meetings. I pray for them daily. I have been supportive. I have paid their bail. I have gotten mad with them. I have tried to love the alcoholism out of them. You think of an intervention? I have done it. Its exhausting. There’s not much else to do from where I am sitting. They have to make the choice themselves and they aren’t going to do that. I know this. I still and will always love my parents.
Where does that leave me? That leaves me sitting at this computer thinking of all the funny crap that has happened because of their ridiculous decisions and terrible addiction to alcohol. If you’ve never loved an addict, you might not understand why some of these stories are funny. You might think they are just sad. You might think that I am using my humor to push away dealing with a deeper issue. You might be right. Those are similar reactions I have received when I talk about their alcoholism. People get really uncomfortable with my sense of humor on the subject. NEWSFLASH people are always going to get uncomfortable when you talk about substance use and addiction. Maybe one of my goals is to remind people to get over themselves. It’s everywhere. It’s okay to talk about it.
I have dealt with these issues for almost 30 years and I have never found anything better than humor to fix things in the hardest times. I have grown into a fully functioning adult (steady job, married, saving for a house, and not addicted to anything other than macaroni) using this as a coping skill. Maybe you just lost a loved one to addiction or maybe someone has recently committed suicide because of their increasing dependence on a substance. This blog might not be for you. Not everybody copes this way. That’s okay. There is a ton of supportive writing out there that will be a better fit for you. If you aren’t in that place though and you need a laugh, stick around.
Before I forget, I named this site Grumpy Sunshine because I would like to shine some light on my dark sense of humor. It is just the best way I found to cope with my situation. For those out there who could use a laugh and can relate to the many public embarrassing moments that comes with loving an addict, this is for you. I hope you enjoy these stories and I look forward to you getting to know me (like I said, I really like me).